It's the final stretch... The last challenge left for me... For us.
It's been 10 months of hard work, and now we have one last obstacle to conquer.
One last Jungle to cross,
One last Mountain to climb
One last March...
There is something about ourselves that up to now still puzzles me.
We know what's coming, the hardship, the turnouts, the discomfort of living off jungles, climbing mountains and trudging through swamps covered up to the neck in mud, muck and leeches.
We know how fucked up it will be... But we don't give in to it.
We don't back away from it.
No matter how much we bitch and moan, we'll still walk through that door and into those challenges and face them, just so one day we can look back and say, "I did that. I went through it and gave my all. I earned my wings, my dagger and my beret."
If someone gave me the option to turn back time and told me I could choose if I wanted to go through it again or pick something simpler, I'll still walk through that same door.
Why?
Cause there is something addictive about pushing yourself through places you never thought existed, raising the bar for yourself.
There is something addictive about being what I am, doing what I do.
I will brag and say it's not something most people can do. It takes a certain level of tolerance, strength and willpower to do what we do. Many people can say, "I can do it lah. I could have been Commando." But how many will willingly go through it? How many can say that they have what it takes?
Am I boasting? Yes... It's something I'm proud of myself for. For going through it, for not backing out.
I am exactly one month away from earning my Red. One month away from finishing this journey. It's been long, tough and one hell of a ride.
But exactly one month away on the 24th of June 2011 at sundown, we'll don our Red and become part of the brotherhood.
One month away, I'll don my rightful status as Elite.
Now...how many can say they can do tt?
5/23/2011
1/23/2011
Time is too precious
Time is the biggest mindfuck of all.
When you want it to go fast, it slows to a snail's pace and when you want it to slow down, it shoots by, leaving you in the smoke...
I hate the fact that weekends blow by so fast. It means I have to book in... Haix...
And booking in to Helldon camp is gonna be a pain in the ass, amongst other body parts. It sucks to be me. Seriously. Most NSFs go through their toughest times in BMT, then they pass out. Some of them get posted to units that are quite active, so they have to be in camp from Monday to Friday, with some nights out thrown in. Others get posted to units that let you book out everyday, like a 8 to 5. But the common characteristics amongst all these people is that their lives are generally slack, or at least not as bad as BMT.
Mine sucks. I'm a 3rd Sgt, and I still get treated like dog shit. I'll book in today and will book out next Saturday...even then, camp will mindfuck you by dragging your bookout time, so I am mentally prepared for a late night bookout on Saturday.
On top of that, being the first few weeks in camp, they are gonna literally make our lives hell...
Haix.
Sometimes I wonder if all this is worth it. Will it be better if I just get posted out to some camp outside where the life is SOOO much better? Money wont be as much, but at least I will feel like I have some sort of freedom. But I know I wont let myself do that... And that is the dilemma. I want to quit, but I wont let myself.
I'm not a kengster. Dont get me wrong. I can take the physical pain, the trainings and all... But its the fact that we book out so late and have so little time for families and friends that is getting to me. Time is way too precious.
Every second of bookout counts... Every second that passes is another second closer to bookin...
Everyone of my campmates are freaking terrified of camp... Of booking in...
But I guess we have no choice.
Haix. Its only for 1 year and 10 months. I've already finished 6 months... Another 16 more to go...
I should stop now and start packing up for camp...
Wasted 10 minutes writing this out... DAMMIT!!!
When you want it to go fast, it slows to a snail's pace and when you want it to slow down, it shoots by, leaving you in the smoke...
I hate the fact that weekends blow by so fast. It means I have to book in... Haix...
And booking in to Helldon camp is gonna be a pain in the ass, amongst other body parts. It sucks to be me. Seriously. Most NSFs go through their toughest times in BMT, then they pass out. Some of them get posted to units that are quite active, so they have to be in camp from Monday to Friday, with some nights out thrown in. Others get posted to units that let you book out everyday, like a 8 to 5. But the common characteristics amongst all these people is that their lives are generally slack, or at least not as bad as BMT.
Mine sucks. I'm a 3rd Sgt, and I still get treated like dog shit. I'll book in today and will book out next Saturday...even then, camp will mindfuck you by dragging your bookout time, so I am mentally prepared for a late night bookout on Saturday.
On top of that, being the first few weeks in camp, they are gonna literally make our lives hell...
Haix.
Sometimes I wonder if all this is worth it. Will it be better if I just get posted out to some camp outside where the life is SOOO much better? Money wont be as much, but at least I will feel like I have some sort of freedom. But I know I wont let myself do that... And that is the dilemma. I want to quit, but I wont let myself.
I'm not a kengster. Dont get me wrong. I can take the physical pain, the trainings and all... But its the fact that we book out so late and have so little time for families and friends that is getting to me. Time is way too precious.
Every second of bookout counts... Every second that passes is another second closer to bookin...
Everyone of my campmates are freaking terrified of camp... Of booking in...
But I guess we have no choice.
Haix. Its only for 1 year and 10 months. I've already finished 6 months... Another 16 more to go...
I should stop now and start packing up for camp...
Wasted 10 minutes writing this out... DAMMIT!!!
1/07/2011
Untitled
A Red Sun Rises Crimson Over The Distant Shores..
A Sea Gull Echoes Its Death Cry.
The Widows Stand By The Water With Faces Forlorn..
And The Waves Crash Onto Their Feet Like Red Dye.
Their Weeping Can Be Heard For A Thousand Nights..
Their Haunted Cries Echoes On The Gale.
When Would This Waiting Souls Finally Fade..
Or There Is No End To Their Ghostly Tale...
A Sea Gull Echoes Its Death Cry.
The Widows Stand By The Water With Faces Forlorn..
And The Waves Crash Onto Their Feet Like Red Dye.
Their Weeping Can Be Heard For A Thousand Nights..
Their Haunted Cries Echoes On The Gale.
When Would This Waiting Souls Finally Fade..
Or There Is No End To Their Ghostly Tale...
12/21/2010
Rage
I dont get angry very often nowadays. I actually have more self-control now.
But when you feel robbed of your chance, raped of an opportunity and reduced to ashes, you feel nothing but fiery hot rage coursing through your veins. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a long time and I welcome it back.
It gives me drive, passion and a hatred for my friends-turned-enemies... For the plastic masks and painted on smiles, the prewritten words of fake encouragement. It is one thing to pick wisely, but when you make an obviously biased choice that hints at favouritism, you crossed the line. I thought I knew you, thought I could trust you, but now betrayal wont even come close to what i feel. You took the knife and plunged into my back, just cause you believed the words of a few incompatible pricks...
Now i'm just waiting to meet you again so I can wreack havoc in your life and house... Watch me burn your life down... Watch me tear your family apart, turn them to my cause....Make them mine...
Watch me turn you into the insignificant speck of dust you really are as I reclaim the kingship that is rightfully mine...
YoJi
But when you feel robbed of your chance, raped of an opportunity and reduced to ashes, you feel nothing but fiery hot rage coursing through your veins. It's a feeling I haven't felt in a long time and I welcome it back.
It gives me drive, passion and a hatred for my friends-turned-enemies... For the plastic masks and painted on smiles, the prewritten words of fake encouragement. It is one thing to pick wisely, but when you make an obviously biased choice that hints at favouritism, you crossed the line. I thought I knew you, thought I could trust you, but now betrayal wont even come close to what i feel. You took the knife and plunged into my back, just cause you believed the words of a few incompatible pricks...
Now i'm just waiting to meet you again so I can wreack havoc in your life and house... Watch me burn your life down... Watch me tear your family apart, turn them to my cause....Make them mine...
Watch me turn you into the insignificant speck of dust you really are as I reclaim the kingship that is rightfully mine...
YoJi
11/23/2010
Taiwan
A few more hours before I fly off to Taiwan.
Its not really that epic really... Taiwan is just slightly harder than Tekong... But the chances of anything bad happening is next to zero. The worst that could probably happen is that I die of food poisoning during our 2 day rest and relaxation or the plane crashes into the sea. Other than that, it shouldn't be THAT tough.
But the fact that I'll be so far from home for so long is what is getting to me and everyone else in camp. No one is worried sick about the missions to come. We know we will survive. It's just the fact that its a new country and there is no way of calling back home to your family and friends.
I never thought I'd ever go to Taiwan.... Not like I wanted to go there, but seriously, "Taiwan nightclubs are the shit" as quoted by my dear sergeants. It'll be smth to look forward to during our 11 day training. No point worrying about whats gonna happen to us during training... You'll just make yourself sick.
Plus its only 3 weeks....
Yeah, I'm trying to reassure myself. LOL!
But I'm going to miss a lot of things while I'm gone. Family, pet dog, friends, bed, food, bed, food.... Haha!
To Andrew:
Thanks for the gift bro... HAHA! That has got to be one of the best motivations I'll have in Taiwan. It really must have been hell trying to get it. I want to see the same thing on you when I come back! =D Love ya bro. TC!
To my close friends (You knw who u are u losers! =D):
Don't miss me, I know I'm awesome. I'll be back before you know it... Haha! I'll be throwing a BBQ when I come back, so all of the AFT members plus plus a few ppl here and there invited... Yeah thought I should let you guys know that... Me and Naathan are trying to make BBQs a norm... Do you really need a reason to enjoy good food, music and company?
And this is to my girl out there:
4 years is nearly over dey!!!! You're going to finish your papers in just a week or so! HAHA! I've known you for 2 1/2 years (My God! It's been THAT long!) but I'm so proud to see how much you've grown in that 2 1/2 years. Exactly a year ago, you would tell me that you couldn't.... Now that word won't even leave your lips.... In my eyes, you are one of the strongest person I know. I'm not just saying that. I mean it. Every single word and letter. You have become someone I can proudly say is my friend...My sister...
And I know I'm not going to be here for 3 weeks... I can't call you EVERY single night like I normally do... And I won't be here when you're A's finish... But just know that somewhere far off in a foreign jungle, your soldier will look up at the moon on the same night you finish your papers and smile... Cos I know you'll be looking at the same moon. And if there is no moon then fuck it, I'll look at the brightest star.
We will party like rockstars when I get back...
Everyone one of us. =D
I'll be leaving Changi Airport in a plane in a few hours as Specialist Cadet Trainee Yogaraj...
And I'll be coming back on the 11th/12th Dec at midnight as 3rd Sergeant Yogaraj....
Signing off
Mr Yoji
Its not really that epic really... Taiwan is just slightly harder than Tekong... But the chances of anything bad happening is next to zero. The worst that could probably happen is that I die of food poisoning during our 2 day rest and relaxation or the plane crashes into the sea. Other than that, it shouldn't be THAT tough.
But the fact that I'll be so far from home for so long is what is getting to me and everyone else in camp. No one is worried sick about the missions to come. We know we will survive. It's just the fact that its a new country and there is no way of calling back home to your family and friends.
I never thought I'd ever go to Taiwan.... Not like I wanted to go there, but seriously, "Taiwan nightclubs are the shit" as quoted by my dear sergeants. It'll be smth to look forward to during our 11 day training. No point worrying about whats gonna happen to us during training... You'll just make yourself sick.
Plus its only 3 weeks....
Yeah, I'm trying to reassure myself. LOL!
But I'm going to miss a lot of things while I'm gone. Family, pet dog, friends, bed, food, bed, food.... Haha!
To Andrew:
Thanks for the gift bro... HAHA! That has got to be one of the best motivations I'll have in Taiwan. It really must have been hell trying to get it. I want to see the same thing on you when I come back! =D Love ya bro. TC!
To my close friends (You knw who u are u losers! =D):
Don't miss me, I know I'm awesome. I'll be back before you know it... Haha! I'll be throwing a BBQ when I come back, so all of the AFT members plus plus a few ppl here and there invited... Yeah thought I should let you guys know that... Me and Naathan are trying to make BBQs a norm... Do you really need a reason to enjoy good food, music and company?
And this is to my girl out there:
4 years is nearly over dey!!!! You're going to finish your papers in just a week or so! HAHA! I've known you for 2 1/2 years (My God! It's been THAT long!) but I'm so proud to see how much you've grown in that 2 1/2 years. Exactly a year ago, you would tell me that you couldn't.... Now that word won't even leave your lips.... In my eyes, you are one of the strongest person I know. I'm not just saying that. I mean it. Every single word and letter. You have become someone I can proudly say is my friend...My sister...
And I know I'm not going to be here for 3 weeks... I can't call you EVERY single night like I normally do... And I won't be here when you're A's finish... But just know that somewhere far off in a foreign jungle, your soldier will look up at the moon on the same night you finish your papers and smile... Cos I know you'll be looking at the same moon. And if there is no moon then fuck it, I'll look at the brightest star.
We will party like rockstars when I get back...
Everyone one of us. =D
I'll be leaving Changi Airport in a plane in a few hours as Specialist Cadet Trainee Yogaraj...
And I'll be coming back on the 11th/12th Dec at midnight as 3rd Sergeant Yogaraj....
Signing off
Mr Yoji
11/15/2010
Jungle Warfare
Fuck Rambo.
Seriously.
You cant carry a baooka and machine gun and fight an entire war on your... I know... I tried.
Just booked out of camp.
Past 9 days has been... well... shagged is a bit of an understatement. Its like you not doing ALL the projects in school for a year, and then the night before the deadline, you are rushing ALL of it in a few hours while trying to run 5km in 30 mins and carrying all your belongings in your house right now in a field pack.... It s a bad way of explaining what Tekong was, but that was basically how we felt constantly for 5 days. Total of 120 hours of that. Less than 12 hours of actual sleep.
The rest of the time, we are either planning, walking/jogging, bashing through a thick jungle, waiting for the enemy, attacking,planting detonation charges and then pulling back 4-5 km carrying your buddy on a stretcher who had apparently 'been grievously injured in the raid'.
My brain is not functionaing properly right now.
Our bodies and minds have gone beyond the point of 'Damn! Im tired', gone beyond 'STOP NOW BITCH!'... Gone beyond ' This is it, im gonna die'...
Haix... This is what happens when you try to squeeze a 12 week course into 7 weeks...
Tekong is not fun... Trust me on this.
Every BMTC dude out there will tell you the same thing, but he's probably been IN THE FIELD for maybe 5-6 days tops...
When I mean in the field, I really mean in the field.
We dont sleep in shelters or tents... or even on ground sheets.
We sleep in a circle formation in a muddy clearing in the jungle with our field packs in front and our guns pointed outwards. We sleep with one eye open, cos there's a likelyhood that a wild boar carrying off your field pack in the night, or that 'enemy forces' will attack your patrol base in the middle of the night.
I always admired the soldiers in the movies, out in jungles fightin Vietcongs and shit... But when Im finally doing it, with a bazooka at my feet and machine gun firing non- stop on my right, its not that fun at all...
Maybe Im just not totally used to it yet.
Commandos is fun, but you just have to get used to it.
There is ALOT of cool stuff, and we do get to learn and do the shit that all those heroes in movies do.
But its not fun when you're being graded on how well you do it. Not fun when you are carrying a $20,000 night vision goggle on your head that could snap off and drop away into the night, leaving you to answer, and probably pay for it. THOSE things are not fun.
But spamming 120 rounds on full auto is fun... Seeing the looks on your 'enemy' forces faces when you kill them is fun... Reporting,' Mission Success' on your comms set is fun...
Stressed!
Taiwan is gonna be better... Way better.... I hope....
At least we get to party after 11 days field camp there.... And IM just waiting to party hard...
Seriously.
You cant carry a baooka and machine gun and fight an entire war on your... I know... I tried.
Just booked out of camp.
Past 9 days has been... well... shagged is a bit of an understatement. Its like you not doing ALL the projects in school for a year, and then the night before the deadline, you are rushing ALL of it in a few hours while trying to run 5km in 30 mins and carrying all your belongings in your house right now in a field pack.... It s a bad way of explaining what Tekong was, but that was basically how we felt constantly for 5 days. Total of 120 hours of that. Less than 12 hours of actual sleep.
The rest of the time, we are either planning, walking/jogging, bashing through a thick jungle, waiting for the enemy, attacking,planting detonation charges and then pulling back 4-5 km carrying your buddy on a stretcher who had apparently 'been grievously injured in the raid'.
My brain is not functionaing properly right now.
Our bodies and minds have gone beyond the point of 'Damn! Im tired', gone beyond 'STOP NOW BITCH!'... Gone beyond ' This is it, im gonna die'...
Haix... This is what happens when you try to squeeze a 12 week course into 7 weeks...
Tekong is not fun... Trust me on this.
Every BMTC dude out there will tell you the same thing, but he's probably been IN THE FIELD for maybe 5-6 days tops...
When I mean in the field, I really mean in the field.
We dont sleep in shelters or tents... or even on ground sheets.
We sleep in a circle formation in a muddy clearing in the jungle with our field packs in front and our guns pointed outwards. We sleep with one eye open, cos there's a likelyhood that a wild boar carrying off your field pack in the night, or that 'enemy forces' will attack your patrol base in the middle of the night.
I always admired the soldiers in the movies, out in jungles fightin Vietcongs and shit... But when Im finally doing it, with a bazooka at my feet and machine gun firing non- stop on my right, its not that fun at all...
Maybe Im just not totally used to it yet.
Commandos is fun, but you just have to get used to it.
There is ALOT of cool stuff, and we do get to learn and do the shit that all those heroes in movies do.
But its not fun when you're being graded on how well you do it. Not fun when you are carrying a $20,000 night vision goggle on your head that could snap off and drop away into the night, leaving you to answer, and probably pay for it. THOSE things are not fun.
But spamming 120 rounds on full auto is fun... Seeing the looks on your 'enemy' forces faces when you kill them is fun... Reporting,' Mission Success' on your comms set is fun...
Stressed!
Taiwan is gonna be better... Way better.... I hope....
At least we get to party after 11 days field camp there.... And IM just waiting to party hard...
11/07/2010
Brothers
There are many people you'll meet in life. You'll befriend most of them. But there's always one group of friends that you will set aside from the rest, hold them in your heart higher than anything else, ready to throw everything you have to run to their side, no matter the consequences...
We call them Brothers...
It's a unique bond that you share with each other, stronger than any normal friendship. It's a bond that once formed, can never break... Shouldn't break. Ever...
It's hard to explain the bond, but every guy understands what it means on some subconscious level. It's ingrained in every man from the day they were born.
I have never forgotten the people I called my brothers, cos I don't do that easily. I call almost every guy 'Bro', but only a few my 'brothers'. I hold them in high regard in my heart, and I'll always throw away anything to save my relationship with them, even it means throwing away pride and dignity. There's a nothing wrong in it. Brothers fight all the time, but are ready to fight for each other in a second. I'll fight you face to face now, but if you are in trouble, I'm fighting with you back to back...
That is the sign of a brotherhood.
People might forget what they once meant to us in the heat of the moment..
They will throw out punches that hurt, and words that hurt even more...
But never forget you once called each other Brother and would have given all for them in a second...
They might have forgotten that, but you should never forget it...
Ever...
I used to call them brothers...
They've forgotten...
But I haven't...
10/30/2010
To my special Girl...
There are many types of women in my life. Some are the ones I cant tolerate, the whiny, crying for attention kind that just act cute. They freak me out.
There are the clueless helpless ones... The ones who are blur and dont know whats going on and everyone bullies them cos they are such an easy target. I pity them. There are the headstrong women who are independent and know what they want in love and push ahead irregardless of what others say. I admire them...
In fact the list can go on.
But there's only one girl... ONE girl in my life that I owe my life too... One I adore and love with my life... One I would go to any lengths to keep happy. There have been moments when I felt down and out and she was always there for me, even though she never had to say a word... She just knew that her boy was troubled and she would know exactly what to do make my day and help me through the pain.
Her smile is my sunshine and can brighten my day no matter how dark the clouds are.... Her tears like cold drenching rain on my heart that brings me to tears. Her very presence sets me at ease and I can sit down and talk to her about everything in my life and she will just smile and listen to me for hours without tiring...something most girls cant do...
I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
I never knew how important she was to me... But now I am eternally grateful to her...
There are many types of women in life.
There are the whiny, act cute ones...
The pathetic ones....
The headstrong ones...
But none of them can compare....
Cos she is the only one of her kind in my life....
And I love her with all my life..
Even though I know she will never read this, I just wanted to let her know how much I appreciate her...And let her know this....
Happy Birthday Mom.... =D
There are the clueless helpless ones... The ones who are blur and dont know whats going on and everyone bullies them cos they are such an easy target. I pity them. There are the headstrong women who are independent and know what they want in love and push ahead irregardless of what others say. I admire them...
In fact the list can go on.
But there's only one girl... ONE girl in my life that I owe my life too... One I adore and love with my life... One I would go to any lengths to keep happy. There have been moments when I felt down and out and she was always there for me, even though she never had to say a word... She just knew that her boy was troubled and she would know exactly what to do make my day and help me through the pain.
Her smile is my sunshine and can brighten my day no matter how dark the clouds are.... Her tears like cold drenching rain on my heart that brings me to tears. Her very presence sets me at ease and I can sit down and talk to her about everything in my life and she will just smile and listen to me for hours without tiring...something most girls cant do...
I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
I never knew how important she was to me... But now I am eternally grateful to her...
There are many types of women in life.
There are the whiny, act cute ones...
The pathetic ones....
The headstrong ones...
But none of them can compare....
Cos she is the only one of her kind in my life....
And I love her with all my life..
Even though I know she will never read this, I just wanted to let her know how much I appreciate her...And let her know this....
Happy Birthday Mom.... =D
10/24/2010
I dont wanna be anything...
I dont want a career...
I dont want people to talk about me...
I dont want to be a leader...
I dont want to be a role model...
I dont want to live a life...
I dont want anything...
I dont want to be like everyone else...
Sounds depressing? Kinda.
Past 2 weeks have been hard on me. Im not just saying. I really mean it. I've never had to endure so much physical pain and mental torture in my whole life.
Leaders course wasnt as rosy as I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be hard, but who would have thought it would be this hard.
I wake up at 5am everyday and do strenuous PT, followed by hours of lecture and lessons. And then we have to settle alot of stores and admin for our trainings the next day and by the time we hit the sack, it could easily be 11 or 12pm. Next day, we wake up and we are off to God knows where to spend the whole day doing exercises, like urban ops or navigation until 1030pm and then we are dropped off in Mandai to navigate through the night or something like that...
I'm not whining. Dont get me wrong. I am actually trying to take it all in stride. But the most painful thing about this past few weeks is how I've let my attitude slide.
I used to be so full of energy and vibe during BMT. I wanted to accomplish so much... But now during leaders course, Im just worried about getting through the day, surviving...
Just survive... endure... take it...
Words that work to keep me down and out while the rest of my fellow trainees take the chance to step up to the plate and show what they've got. And when i look at them, I get even more depressed... and its like a vicious cycle that keeps going on for the whole 5 and a half days...
I booked out of camp this week with one aim in mind: Next week onwards, its gonna be different... Its gonna be like BMT again,
No matter how tired I am, Im going to keep pushing, keep marching, keep singing and soldiering on. No matter how down I feel, I am going to keep my guys' spirits up. Keep them motivated. Keep them moving.
No matter what the day brings, Ill take it, and go through it without breaking a sweat...
Leaders is a whole new challenge for me. For the first time in my life, I'm facing an obstacle where I have to use my 100% energy and willpower to clear it.... maybe more.
Its refreshing to push urself to the limits and accomplish your assigned task and tell yourslef 'good job'...
There's a line in the Leaders' creed that we have to say out every day before meals that really struck a cord with me. here it is:
Resolutely will i honor the trust bestowed upon me. I will apply my dare and skill. I will use my initiative. I will not fail...I am a leader, follow me.
I will not fail. Everytime we say this part, no matter how tired or shagged we are, everyone says that one part with so much energy, with so much power it sends shivers down my back. Its a powerful line. Its a devastating line. People have overcome so many impossible obstacles in life because of that one line...
And its that one line that gave me a new perspective of life last night. A new direction... Energy and drive to push on and conquer the barriers that they have thrown at me....
So here's the second part to my intro:
I dont want a career... I want an adventure
I dont want people to talk about me...
I dont want to be a leader...
I dont want to be a role model...
I dont want to live a life...
I dont want anything...
I dont want to be like everyone else...
Sounds depressing? Kinda.
Past 2 weeks have been hard on me. Im not just saying. I really mean it. I've never had to endure so much physical pain and mental torture in my whole life.
Leaders course wasnt as rosy as I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be hard, but who would have thought it would be this hard.
I wake up at 5am everyday and do strenuous PT, followed by hours of lecture and lessons. And then we have to settle alot of stores and admin for our trainings the next day and by the time we hit the sack, it could easily be 11 or 12pm. Next day, we wake up and we are off to God knows where to spend the whole day doing exercises, like urban ops or navigation until 1030pm and then we are dropped off in Mandai to navigate through the night or something like that...
I'm not whining. Dont get me wrong. I am actually trying to take it all in stride. But the most painful thing about this past few weeks is how I've let my attitude slide.
I used to be so full of energy and vibe during BMT. I wanted to accomplish so much... But now during leaders course, Im just worried about getting through the day, surviving...
Just survive... endure... take it...
Words that work to keep me down and out while the rest of my fellow trainees take the chance to step up to the plate and show what they've got. And when i look at them, I get even more depressed... and its like a vicious cycle that keeps going on for the whole 5 and a half days...
I booked out of camp this week with one aim in mind: Next week onwards, its gonna be different... Its gonna be like BMT again,
No matter how tired I am, Im going to keep pushing, keep marching, keep singing and soldiering on. No matter how down I feel, I am going to keep my guys' spirits up. Keep them motivated. Keep them moving.
No matter what the day brings, Ill take it, and go through it without breaking a sweat...
Leaders is a whole new challenge for me. For the first time in my life, I'm facing an obstacle where I have to use my 100% energy and willpower to clear it.... maybe more.
Its refreshing to push urself to the limits and accomplish your assigned task and tell yourslef 'good job'...
There's a line in the Leaders' creed that we have to say out every day before meals that really struck a cord with me. here it is:
Resolutely will i honor the trust bestowed upon me. I will apply my dare and skill. I will use my initiative. I will not fail...I am a leader, follow me.
I will not fail. Everytime we say this part, no matter how tired or shagged we are, everyone says that one part with so much energy, with so much power it sends shivers down my back. Its a powerful line. Its a devastating line. People have overcome so many impossible obstacles in life because of that one line...
And its that one line that gave me a new perspective of life last night. A new direction... Energy and drive to push on and conquer the barriers that they have thrown at me....
So here's the second part to my intro:
I dont want a career... I want an adventure
I dont want people to talk about me... I want them write stories about me
I dont want to be a leader... I want to be a hero
I dont want to be a role model... I want to be a Legend
I dont want to live a life... I want to live a lifestyle... My lifestyle
I dont want anything... i want everything...
I dont want to be like anyone else.... I just wanna be me... One and only...
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