To my special Girl...

There are many types of women in my life. Some are the ones I cant tolerate, the whiny, crying for attention kind that just act cute. They freak me out.

There are the clueless helpless ones... The ones who are blur and dont know whats going on and everyone bullies them cos they are such an easy target. I pity them. There are the headstrong women who are independent and know what they want in love and push ahead irregardless of what others say. I admire them...

In fact the list can go on.

But there's only one girl... ONE girl in my life that I owe my life too... One I adore and love with my life... One I would go to any lengths to keep happy. There have been moments when I felt down and out and she was always there for me, even though she never had to say a word... She just knew that her boy was troubled and she would know exactly what to do make my day and help me through the pain.

Her smile is my sunshine and can brighten my day no matter how dark the clouds are.... Her tears like cold drenching rain on my heart that brings me to tears. Her very presence sets me at ease and I can sit down and talk to her about everything in my life and she will just smile and listen to me for hours without tiring...something most girls cant do...

I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

I never knew how important she was to me... But now I am eternally grateful to her...


There are many types of women in life.

There are the whiny, act cute ones...

The pathetic ones....

The headstrong ones...


But none of them can compare....

Cos she is the only one of her kind in my life....

And I love her with all my life..



Even though I know she will never read this, I just wanted to let her know how much I appreciate her...And let her know this....



Happy Birthday Mom.... =D

I dont wanna be anything...

I dont want a career...
I dont want people to talk about me...
I dont want to be a leader...
I dont want to be a role model...
I dont want to live a life...

I dont want anything...

I dont want to be like everyone else...


Sounds depressing? Kinda.

Past 2 weeks have been hard on me. Im not just saying. I really mean it. I've never had to endure so much physical pain and mental torture in my whole life.

Leaders course wasnt as rosy as I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be hard, but who would have thought it would be this hard.

I wake up at 5am everyday and do strenuous PT, followed by hours of lecture and lessons. And then we have to settle alot of stores and admin for our trainings the next day and by the time we hit the sack, it could easily be 11 or 12pm. Next day, we wake up and we are off to God knows where to spend the whole day doing exercises, like urban ops or navigation until 1030pm and then we are dropped off in Mandai to navigate through the night or something like that...

I'm not whining. Dont get me wrong. I am actually trying to take it all in stride. But the most painful thing about this past few weeks is how I've let my attitude slide.

I used to be so full of energy and vibe during BMT. I wanted to accomplish so much... But now during leaders course, Im just worried about getting through the day, surviving...

Just survive... endure... take it...

Words that work to keep me down and out while the rest of my fellow trainees take the chance to step up to the plate and show what they've got. And when i look at them, I get even more depressed... and its like a vicious cycle that keeps going on for the whole 5 and a half days...

I booked out of camp this week with one aim in mind: Next week onwards, its gonna be different... Its gonna be like BMT again,

No matter how tired I am, Im going to keep pushing, keep marching, keep singing and soldiering on. No matter how down I feel, I am going to keep my guys' spirits up. Keep them motivated. Keep them  moving.

No matter what the day brings, Ill take it, and go through it without breaking a sweat...

Leaders is a whole new challenge for me. For the first time in my life, I'm facing an obstacle where I have to use my 100% energy and willpower to clear it.... maybe more.

Its refreshing to push urself to the limits and accomplish your assigned task and tell yourslef 'good job'...

There's a line in the Leaders' creed that we have to say out every day before meals that really struck a cord with me. here it is:

Resolutely will i honor the trust bestowed upon me. I will apply my dare and skill. I will use my initiative. I will not fail...I am a leader, follow me.

I will not fail. Everytime we say this part, no matter how tired or shagged we are, everyone says that one part with so much energy, with so much power it sends shivers down my back. Its a powerful line. Its a devastating line. People have overcome so many impossible obstacles in life because of that one line...

And its that one line that gave me a new perspective of life last night. A new direction... Energy and drive to push on and conquer the barriers that they have thrown at me....

So here's the second part to my intro:


I dont want a career...  I want an adventure

I dont want people to talk about me... I want them write stories about me

I dont want to be a leader... I want to be a hero

I dont want to be a role model... I want to be a Legend

I dont want to live a life... I want to live a lifestyle... My lifestyle

I dont want anything... i want everything...

I dont want to be like anyone else.... I just wanna be me... One and only...

Are we losing it?

At times, i feel like we've lost it, what we once had. the magic, the passion and the dreams. i dont know if you feel it, but i do. i see it everytime i book out and it hurts me deeply. i dont know where we went wrong or what we did, but we dont seem excited about it the way we were so many months back. 

Frankly speaking, i think we have to wake up our fukcing ideas if we want to go on together and acheive what we set out to do. im not the only one who thinks this way. 

Time is running out. soon we will just be memories and everything will drift apart. its already happening. please do something about it before we lose it... cos its the only thing ive got.

ps: the way i see it, theres only us. if anyone else tries to intrude into our lives and change us, ill fuck them up. cos this is ours, and i wont let them destroy it.

SCT RAJ

Its been a month since I blogged.

I barely have time to blog, even on the weekends. I come out of camp, rush home to change and go out, mostly to Semb. Weekends have now become so precious to me, and every second wasted is like gold dust seeping through my hands... Haix. I dont even know what the heck the gold dust thing was about.

Anyways, POPed last week Friday. It was spectacular. I enjoyed it, especially since my family was around, along with Anaz, Suadz and Kanitha. I received the Platoon best award, which was a fucking big surprise to me... Never expected it. I was also posted to CSLC, Commando Small-Unit Leader COurse, which is what  wanted.

But somehow, Im not that happy. The last 1 week in camp was really stressing on us. New people, new bunk, and a whole lot more shit to learn... Life in the army just got tougher. For the last 3 days in camp, all I could think about was Booking Out... I didnt wanna be in there. I missed my old bunkmates. I missed my old Platoon. I missed my BMT... Fuck. Its only 1 week into our new course and Im already feeling stressed...wtf.

Maybe its cause we didnt get a nice long break after our POP, like the rest of the NSFs did. Everyone else got 10 days... I only got 4...

Which was why I was so fucking relieved to get out of camp this week... I wanted to spend it with people I felt comfortable with, doing things I used to do back when I was a civvie. Saturday musical practice didnt turn out the way I wanted it to... Half the guys were gone by the time I got there. But that was ok. Went over to Palani's house to surprise him. Then me and Nats left to go lan. That was probably the most relaxing thing i did this weekend. Just the two of us thrashing virtual Chinese Army and Middle Easter forces in our baddass chopper... HAHA.

Miss doing Hamsam show with the...em...PINKY-GS guys. Lol. Crazy care-free days. Fuck la, we need to do an episode again guys. Soon. Doing an episode with you guys will feel like a well spent weekend.

 Maybe go for a movie after that. And then thon overnight somewhere and lepak.

Hmm, letting all this out just made me feel better. Lol.

Maybe thats what I need to do. Plan my weekends so that I have something to look forward to each week... Something to get me through the days. Haha.

I think i've found the answer to my dilemma.