Parents landed last week. Its been okay with them at home. Wont hide the fact that I was happy to see them. It meant I could talk to them, esp my mom, and iron out some issues with them.
Mom is kinda getting the idea of me and my life being very hectic. Need to persuade her more. Saturday was bad for my ICM group. Got shot down like hell, but I think we managed to rough it out. From now on, its just putting what we learnt in the past 2 years into practice.
Frisbee training's been kicking off too. We're actually meeting up every week on schedule. Just the 4 of us though. Indra, Saras, Prabs and me. Nathan and Ravin join us when they are around, but other than that its just us. We're actually doing very good! We can throw the lousy Frisbees me and Prabs bought further and further. I think I'll go look for a team to challenge and have a match.
Found out Rasheed is into dancing too. Giess I found the first person for my crew (Suadz is having her As this year so she wont be dancing... Good luck Sis)
Been cracking my head over the AFTlogo for the past few days...Cant get it, but Im getting there. Just give me some more time.
I really want to dance...Its been too long sinve I popped, locked or grooved. Haix.
Well, its been okay so far.
Been cracking my head over the AFTlogo for the past few days...Cant get it, but Im getting there. Just give me some more time.
Will be hitting it up with the guys later for Frisbee after my test. Need to release some stress from Saturday...
*Wonders what to do next... Days of our Lives was more interesting than this....*
5/31/2009
5/25/2009
Frisbee Mania!
Today was a funny day.
We (meaning my group mates) finished school fast as we had no presentation (faulty laptop...screw ACER!) so I decided to meet Prabs who happened to have the day off...
Good for me AND her... We both needed company.
So met her at Dover...Went to Jurong east to find and buy Frisbee for practice cos Prabs lost hers...Wow prabs...Good job. Lol
Walked to IMM in the friggin` 35 degrees Celsius heat...ARGH!!
We both got 2 shades darker in that ten minute walk...Like I need it!!
So there we were, in the cool air-conditioned mall, walking around looking for frisbees. We walked for quite some time before we found it in Giant (It was a big mall)
Now this is where the weird part comes in. On the tag it said $19.90...When we took one and bought it...it was $3.99...
Hmm...Weird system...So we took advantage of it.
Grabbed another two more frisbees (Green and Orange) before running off..
zzz...Im lazy to type anymore..NO...Must go on...
So we headed back to sembawang wher ewe played for an hour or so...then we got tired/lazy/too pooped to move, so we moved over to Jelutng to buy food. Then indra came along...played for ten minutes...then it rained.. Wow.
We waited til it passed, then went back out to play somemore ith Saras joining us...Late as usual.
Then Naathan came...
LOL! You guys should see Naathan play.. Hilarious.. Haix..
Finished...Got several heart attacks from my bro who said I was in deep shit...Still duno IF im in deep shit.. Lol
But home now in the dark typing away and my back hurts. More training tmrw in school.. My own training.
Haix.
Somehow through all this stress...I see my path...Finally...
We (meaning my group mates) finished school fast as we had no presentation (faulty laptop...screw ACER!) so I decided to meet Prabs who happened to have the day off...
Good for me AND her... We both needed company.
So met her at Dover...Went to Jurong east to find and buy Frisbee for practice cos Prabs lost hers...Wow prabs...Good job. Lol
Walked to IMM in the friggin` 35 degrees Celsius heat...ARGH!!
We both got 2 shades darker in that ten minute walk...Like I need it!!
So there we were, in the cool air-conditioned mall, walking around looking for frisbees. We walked for quite some time before we found it in Giant (It was a big mall)
Now this is where the weird part comes in. On the tag it said $19.90...When we took one and bought it...it was $3.99...
Hmm...Weird system...So we took advantage of it.
Grabbed another two more frisbees (Green and Orange) before running off..
zzz...Im lazy to type anymore..NO...Must go on...
So we headed back to sembawang wher ewe played for an hour or so...then we got tired/lazy/too pooped to move, so we moved over to Jelutng to buy food. Then indra came along...played for ten minutes...then it rained.. Wow.
We waited til it passed, then went back out to play somemore ith Saras joining us...Late as usual.
Then Naathan came...
LOL! You guys should see Naathan play.. Hilarious.. Haix..
Finished...Got several heart attacks from my bro who said I was in deep shit...Still duno IF im in deep shit.. Lol
But home now in the dark typing away and my back hurts. More training tmrw in school.. My own training.
Haix.
Somehow through all this stress...I see my path...Finally...
5/20/2009
I Don't Know What To Do
I cant explain what I meant by 'Cant do It Anymore'...Just that it cant involve you..
Haix... I cant say the 3 words to you cos Now I want to be sure Im saying it for real...
But being around you Just makes me say those things...But Later I regret cos I dont want to Tie myself down...
Not now.
Haix... I cant say the 3 words to you cos Now I want to be sure Im saying it for real...
But being around you Just makes me say those things...But Later I regret cos I dont want to Tie myself down...
Not now.
5/19/2009
Yes I Remember...
Everytime we Touch my Lipz of an Angel...Goodbye...
Yes I Remember...
Yes They mean alot...
Yes They Stir Up Memories
No You Aren't just a Distraction...
No You Aren't a Toy
No You Aren't a Dumb F***
Yes Whatever You Said DID Matter
Yes I Can Make Up My Mind
But i Just Cant Do It Anymore
Im Have Nothing More To Give...
Nothing More To Show...
But It was Never Fake...
It Was All Real...
But You Wont Believe Me would you...
Yes I Remember...
Yes They mean alot...
Yes They Stir Up Memories
No You Aren't just a Distraction...
No You Aren't a Toy
No You Aren't a Dumb F***
Yes Whatever You Said DID Matter
Yes I Can Make Up My Mind
But i Just Cant Do It Anymore
Im Have Nothing More To Give...
Nothing More To Show...
But It was Never Fake...
It Was All Real...
But You Wont Believe Me would you...
5/15/2009
Reaching the Redline...
If you a car person, like me, you would know what the redline means.
It is the zone on a car's tachometer that tells you that the car is maxing out its power, its RPM. It is the zone at which the engine makes sounds that sound sweet to the ears of many. It is the zone at which daredevils slide their cars sideways, throwing up smoke and sounds of squealing tires.
It is also the zone that screams at you to shift UP...
What is the point of all that wonderful information?
Well...it seems that I may be reaching MY redline very soon. And I have to switch UP...
The problem?
I may not be able to...
Once again, I am limited in all that I do by simple mundane things that people my age may deem insignificant (as my friends have all done...)
The problem is simple...my family.
Yes, family. Now before you jump ahead to conclusions and start thinking that I must be one of those who hates his family, let me explain myself.
I am a 19 year old guy...note the word GUY, who happens to have a curfew that even secondary school kids may laugh at. I have to have a good reason for going out on weekends, and even then, I'm scowled at by my family when I leave the house. I am told to just focus on studying even though I know that I am growing at a rate so fast, that I outlearn my course modules. I am taught things I already know and my thirst for knowledge and more experience is insatiable.
But because of a little thing called conscience and guilt and responsibility, I am limited. Now, you can say that I do have responsibilities to take care of...which I have already attended to. I gave up going for my school's welcome back party at Zouk all because my little bro had exams and I wanted to make sure he was studying at home. I have project meetings to attend to at night, from which I leave early from or not go at all because I have to be back home cause my aunt feels that I spend too much time outside.
I am ripped away from my friends when having a great time out, just because I have to be back home before my curfew.
All in all, my family believes that keeping me at home and asking me to study is the best thing for me, when it is blatantly obvious that I am grown up and need my freedom now more than ever.
2 years ago, I was ranting about 'No freedom' etc, but looking back ,I guess freedom then wasn't that important as I had made it out to be. I needed some slack on the lease, true, but it wasn't that big a deal.
But now...
I have plans; I have a career path shaping itself out in front me. I know where I am going. I am hungry for success and failure. I am hungry for chances to prove myslef, which, given my short leash, I have been able to do. My close friends know my potential. Outsiders my potential.
But they have the freedom and trust of their family members. I don't. It is easy for you now to claim that I have to first gain trust.
Let me paint you a scenario. You have a dog.
A Rottweiler.
And you cage him up for weeks on end. But you feed him etc. BUT, you dont let him out.
One fine sunny day you take him out of the cage for a walk.
Now...what do you think is going to happen?
Is the dog going to keep quiet and walk slowly with you?
Or is he going to run like a demon let loose, going everywhere he can, exploring, digging, barking and biting?
No. 2 is the answer. He runs, as fast as he can. And as the owner, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? HOLD HIM! Keep him on the leash.
So there you are, being dragged by a hungry dog that is craving for freedom. You get sickened and throw him back in the cage and call him a bad dog. You decide to keep him there as you deem him to be uncontrollable. But whose fault is it?
The dog's?
It's yours.
My family is the owner...I am the dog.
Now...
IF you let him loose for a while, he'll run etc. But he'll eventually come to you cause he learns that he has to. No matter where he goes, he will learn to come back. If he's hungry, he'll come back knowing there is a dish of hot food waiting for him. If he needs water, there is a dish of cool spring water at home.
If he needs love, there is a hand waiting to pet him.
You see the light now?
Sometimes if you want something to stay, you have to let it go. Same thing with love. Same thing with teens.
Same things with me.
Trust me. Trust that I will do the right thing. If I do the wrong thing, trust that I will own up to it and learn from it.
I trust myself to do these things. I know where I am going. I know what I want...no...what I NEED.
The leash around my neck is getting too old. Take it off... let me run.
In about a week, I am going to go into a slump. I am going to become angry and depressed. I am going to vent and hate, curse and swear. If you call me, I may take out anger on you. I may start pushing my curfew time and scolding my family. I may get scolded which makes things worse. I forsee all these...
In this next one week...
....I am about to hit my redline...
...And I wont be able to shift up...
-Yoji-
It is the zone on a car's tachometer that tells you that the car is maxing out its power, its RPM. It is the zone at which the engine makes sounds that sound sweet to the ears of many. It is the zone at which daredevils slide their cars sideways, throwing up smoke and sounds of squealing tires.
It is also the zone that screams at you to shift UP...
What is the point of all that wonderful information?
Well...it seems that I may be reaching MY redline very soon. And I have to switch UP...
The problem?
I may not be able to...
Once again, I am limited in all that I do by simple mundane things that people my age may deem insignificant (as my friends have all done...)
The problem is simple...my family.
Yes, family. Now before you jump ahead to conclusions and start thinking that I must be one of those who hates his family, let me explain myself.
I am a 19 year old guy...note the word GUY, who happens to have a curfew that even secondary school kids may laugh at. I have to have a good reason for going out on weekends, and even then, I'm scowled at by my family when I leave the house. I am told to just focus on studying even though I know that I am growing at a rate so fast, that I outlearn my course modules. I am taught things I already know and my thirst for knowledge and more experience is insatiable.
But because of a little thing called conscience and guilt and responsibility, I am limited. Now, you can say that I do have responsibilities to take care of...which I have already attended to. I gave up going for my school's welcome back party at Zouk all because my little bro had exams and I wanted to make sure he was studying at home. I have project meetings to attend to at night, from which I leave early from or not go at all because I have to be back home cause my aunt feels that I spend too much time outside.
I am ripped away from my friends when having a great time out, just because I have to be back home before my curfew.
All in all, my family believes that keeping me at home and asking me to study is the best thing for me, when it is blatantly obvious that I am grown up and need my freedom now more than ever.
2 years ago, I was ranting about 'No freedom' etc, but looking back ,I guess freedom then wasn't that important as I had made it out to be. I needed some slack on the lease, true, but it wasn't that big a deal.
But now...
I have plans; I have a career path shaping itself out in front me. I know where I am going. I am hungry for success and failure. I am hungry for chances to prove myslef, which, given my short leash, I have been able to do. My close friends know my potential. Outsiders my potential.
But they have the freedom and trust of their family members. I don't. It is easy for you now to claim that I have to first gain trust.
Let me paint you a scenario. You have a dog.
A Rottweiler.
And you cage him up for weeks on end. But you feed him etc. BUT, you dont let him out.
One fine sunny day you take him out of the cage for a walk.
Now...what do you think is going to happen?
Is the dog going to keep quiet and walk slowly with you?
Or is he going to run like a demon let loose, going everywhere he can, exploring, digging, barking and biting?
No. 2 is the answer. He runs, as fast as he can. And as the owner, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? HOLD HIM! Keep him on the leash.
So there you are, being dragged by a hungry dog that is craving for freedom. You get sickened and throw him back in the cage and call him a bad dog. You decide to keep him there as you deem him to be uncontrollable. But whose fault is it?
The dog's?
It's yours.
My family is the owner...I am the dog.
Now...
IF you let him loose for a while, he'll run etc. But he'll eventually come to you cause he learns that he has to. No matter where he goes, he will learn to come back. If he's hungry, he'll come back knowing there is a dish of hot food waiting for him. If he needs water, there is a dish of cool spring water at home.
If he needs love, there is a hand waiting to pet him.
You see the light now?
Sometimes if you want something to stay, you have to let it go. Same thing with love. Same thing with teens.
Same things with me.
Trust me. Trust that I will do the right thing. If I do the wrong thing, trust that I will own up to it and learn from it.
I trust myself to do these things. I know where I am going. I know what I want...no...what I NEED.
The leash around my neck is getting too old. Take it off... let me run.
In about a week, I am going to go into a slump. I am going to become angry and depressed. I am going to vent and hate, curse and swear. If you call me, I may take out anger on you. I may start pushing my curfew time and scolding my family. I may get scolded which makes things worse. I forsee all these...
In this next one week...
....I am about to hit my redline...
...And I wont be able to shift up...
-Yoji-
5/09/2009
The forewarnings of an Addiction
Just came back from hanging out with Suadz and Nathan with my bro. It was fun.
Let me recap what happened today.
Got ready to leave at 1pm. Was supposed to meet Nathan earlier to chill first. I just happened to get a new headset (thanks isabelle for taking my old ones) and I pumped my playlist full of songs. Really nice songs...
Real nice to the point I was dancing at the MRT station. Went down to Sun Plaza first to see shoes then came back to meet Nats. Chilled with him for a few minutes before deciding to go to Timezone and play ID5 (Initial D 5) Lol. We were so engrossed in the game that we didnt notice Suadz walk over to the machines. Then we played Daytona where I got crashed a few times....zzzz
I vented my irritation cos I felt it was unhonourable to crash and win...Took my revenge on Suadz in the next game..Sorry Suadz....But I had to so that you would know how irritating it is.
Lol. The went down to funland to play Daytona (it was cheaper there). Got crashed again...Grrrr! NVM!
Then went to LJS where we met Indra...who challenged me to Daytona (see a pattern imerging?)
I beat her fair and square and we came to a consensus that we are the kings and queens of Daytona. Shes pretty good, so ill give my props to her. Then she left, so we went over to LJS to eat. Shan came....and left...
Croo croo...
Then me and my bro played ID4 where I lost to him cos I could not get the hang of the RX-7 (I normally use Skyline)
Its ok mathan. Then walked Suadz to the Station...She croo crooed me Nats and Mathan halfway when she saw her friends. LOL
Then the Guys went back to Timezone and played ID5, where mi bro got challenged to a battle wit another guy who used his card (UNFAIR) But the dude gave Matt chance so he walked away happy, even though he lost. Then bused over to Woodlands with Nats, talked on the way about army life...interesting really!
Then trained back home with my bro...Haix...
Its been a long day. In total, I must have sat in a driver's seat about 12 times today...minimum.
I think its growing into an addiction...but one we can enjoy with friends..
On another note, I'm glad I'm bringing my brother into the fold...My own company of friends...At least we can hang out more this way...
Haix...Cant wait to get my license...Tired...
Peace and Nite!
Let me recap what happened today.
Got ready to leave at 1pm. Was supposed to meet Nathan earlier to chill first. I just happened to get a new headset (thanks isabelle for taking my old ones) and I pumped my playlist full of songs. Really nice songs...
Real nice to the point I was dancing at the MRT station. Went down to Sun Plaza first to see shoes then came back to meet Nats. Chilled with him for a few minutes before deciding to go to Timezone and play ID5 (Initial D 5) Lol. We were so engrossed in the game that we didnt notice Suadz walk over to the machines. Then we played Daytona where I got crashed a few times....zzzz
I vented my irritation cos I felt it was unhonourable to crash and win...Took my revenge on Suadz in the next game..Sorry Suadz....But I had to so that you would know how irritating it is.
Lol. The went down to funland to play Daytona (it was cheaper there). Got crashed again...Grrrr! NVM!
Then went to LJS where we met Indra...who challenged me to Daytona (see a pattern imerging?)
I beat her fair and square and we came to a consensus that we are the kings and queens of Daytona. Shes pretty good, so ill give my props to her. Then she left, so we went over to LJS to eat. Shan came....and left...
Croo croo...
Then me and my bro played ID4 where I lost to him cos I could not get the hang of the RX-7 (I normally use Skyline)
Its ok mathan. Then walked Suadz to the Station...She croo crooed me Nats and Mathan halfway when she saw her friends. LOL
Then the Guys went back to Timezone and played ID5, where mi bro got challenged to a battle wit another guy who used his card (UNFAIR) But the dude gave Matt chance so he walked away happy, even though he lost. Then bused over to Woodlands with Nats, talked on the way about army life...interesting really!
Then trained back home with my bro...Haix...
Its been a long day. In total, I must have sat in a driver's seat about 12 times today...minimum.
I think its growing into an addiction...but one we can enjoy with friends..
On another note, I'm glad I'm bringing my brother into the fold...My own company of friends...At least we can hang out more this way...
Haix...Cant wait to get my license...Tired...
Peace and Nite!
5/06/2009
Four Roads...
I am here again.
Another crossroad in my life and I cant read the signs. Im standing helpless by the side, watching these roads lead off to uncertain destinations.
Can I be anymore obvious about what I'm talking about...
Its her again. N...
I already hear the sighs and the 'Oh boy...not again'.
But before you jump into conclusions derived from the perception that you happen to be the gurus of life, put yourself into my shoes...and then you'll see.
But now its different...Its no longer like last time.
I feel pressured to make a decision...to do something I might come to hate later. And I feel its safe to stop right now while I can... To stop right on the road and get out of the car and smell the air...
I dont want to make another mistake. Its hard enough living with several from before...I don't want to make another.
And before I end up hurting the both of us, I want us to pause, and think.
Where are we going with this? Are we really going to do something we're not sure off...
Ill be honest with you...Those 3 words are too hard to say to you now...especially when its hollow...
I have tried to ask myself over the past week if this is what I want...I haven't decided...But for the moment, Im taking a break. Not from you...
Don't get me wrong...I would still like to talk to you. But from saying those 3 words to anyone but my family and my closest friends. But know that when I say it to these people. I say it with the intention of meanig that I will be there for them...Not be a part of them that I now feel pressured to do...
So I'm taking a break from the love lane... The brakes are on and my engines are quiet. The cool wind on my face. Im standing on the crossroad...But I haven't decided...
But no matter what...just know that I will always be there for you...
As a friend...
Smile Always...I love that about you...
N
Another crossroad in my life and I cant read the signs. Im standing helpless by the side, watching these roads lead off to uncertain destinations.
Can I be anymore obvious about what I'm talking about...
Its her again. N...
I already hear the sighs and the 'Oh boy...not again'.
But before you jump into conclusions derived from the perception that you happen to be the gurus of life, put yourself into my shoes...and then you'll see.
But now its different...Its no longer like last time.
I feel pressured to make a decision...to do something I might come to hate later. And I feel its safe to stop right now while I can... To stop right on the road and get out of the car and smell the air...
I dont want to make another mistake. Its hard enough living with several from before...I don't want to make another.
And before I end up hurting the both of us, I want us to pause, and think.
Where are we going with this? Are we really going to do something we're not sure off...
Ill be honest with you...Those 3 words are too hard to say to you now...especially when its hollow...
I have tried to ask myself over the past week if this is what I want...I haven't decided...But for the moment, Im taking a break. Not from you...
Don't get me wrong...I would still like to talk to you. But from saying those 3 words to anyone but my family and my closest friends. But know that when I say it to these people. I say it with the intention of meanig that I will be there for them...Not be a part of them that I now feel pressured to do...
So I'm taking a break from the love lane... The brakes are on and my engines are quiet. The cool wind on my face. Im standing on the crossroad...But I haven't decided...
But no matter what...just know that I will always be there for you...
As a friend...
Smile Always...I love that about you...
N
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