I dont want people to talk about me...
I dont want to be a leader...
I dont want to be a role model...
I dont want to live a life...
I dont want anything...
I dont want to be like everyone else...
Sounds depressing? Kinda.
Past 2 weeks have been hard on me. Im not just saying. I really mean it. I've never had to endure so much physical pain and mental torture in my whole life.
Leaders course wasnt as rosy as I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be hard, but who would have thought it would be this hard.
I wake up at 5am everyday and do strenuous PT, followed by hours of lecture and lessons. And then we have to settle alot of stores and admin for our trainings the next day and by the time we hit the sack, it could easily be 11 or 12pm. Next day, we wake up and we are off to God knows where to spend the whole day doing exercises, like urban ops or navigation until 1030pm and then we are dropped off in Mandai to navigate through the night or something like that...
I'm not whining. Dont get me wrong. I am actually trying to take it all in stride. But the most painful thing about this past few weeks is how I've let my attitude slide.
I used to be so full of energy and vibe during BMT. I wanted to accomplish so much... But now during leaders course, Im just worried about getting through the day, surviving...
Just survive... endure... take it...
Words that work to keep me down and out while the rest of my fellow trainees take the chance to step up to the plate and show what they've got. And when i look at them, I get even more depressed... and its like a vicious cycle that keeps going on for the whole 5 and a half days...
I booked out of camp this week with one aim in mind: Next week onwards, its gonna be different... Its gonna be like BMT again,
No matter how tired I am, Im going to keep pushing, keep marching, keep singing and soldiering on. No matter how down I feel, I am going to keep my guys' spirits up. Keep them motivated. Keep them moving.
No matter what the day brings, Ill take it, and go through it without breaking a sweat...
Leaders is a whole new challenge for me. For the first time in my life, I'm facing an obstacle where I have to use my 100% energy and willpower to clear it.... maybe more.
Its refreshing to push urself to the limits and accomplish your assigned task and tell yourslef 'good job'...
There's a line in the Leaders' creed that we have to say out every day before meals that really struck a cord with me. here it is:
Resolutely will i honor the trust bestowed upon me. I will apply my dare and skill. I will use my initiative. I will not fail...I am a leader, follow me.
I will not fail. Everytime we say this part, no matter how tired or shagged we are, everyone says that one part with so much energy, with so much power it sends shivers down my back. Its a powerful line. Its a devastating line. People have overcome so many impossible obstacles in life because of that one line...
And its that one line that gave me a new perspective of life last night. A new direction... Energy and drive to push on and conquer the barriers that they have thrown at me....
So here's the second part to my intro:
I dont want a career... I want an adventure
I dont want people to talk about me... I want them write stories about me
I dont want to be a leader... I want to be a hero
I dont want to be a role model... I want to be a Legend
I dont want to live a life... I want to live a lifestyle... My lifestyle
I dont want anything... i want everything...
I dont want to be like anyone else.... I just wanna be me... One and only...
