Haix.
School tmrw.
The end of a very beautiful holidays.
Gonna miss a lot of things; musical rehearsals, going out with the peeps, chilling at Sembawang Mac. Haix.
At the same time cant wait to get back to school. More stuff to do. No more lazing around at home. No more boring days at home. Dont get me wrong, I dont mind chilling at home every now and then, but I am someone whos made for the outdoors.
I love chilling out with friends, walking around town finding something to do orsome shop to mess up. Its my thing... And I miss doing my thing.
Missed AFT meeting last night. Didnt want to risk getting scolded so stayed at home. BORED as hell. World Of Warcraft is also boring. zzz.
Haix. Afternoon. Me and Mathan wanted to go totown but now too late. Maybe we'll still go out. But I don't know. See how...
Ciaoz!
4/18/2009
4/15/2009
My Apologies To All...
First up before I start...
I want to apologize to my close ones for hurting you in the past many weeks. Quite a bit of people are confused and hurt by my actions...
Haix...
Sorry guys...Didn't mean to hurt anyone...
I know I've been isolating myself from my friends... I have no solid reason why...But it can be several..
One...Walking in shades of grey is not easy...Anyone knows that.
AND everyone knows that amongst everyone, I'm the one who walks the most in the shades... Cant help it...It's my kai poh nature... But doing this for quite some time is very tiring...And I just needed to stop for a while. . .
And the reason I was hanging out with them and not you. . .I can't explain. But you know me...I never have a reason for anything I do...But just know that I have never meant any harm to anyone...I'll always be there if you need anything...or anyone...
Though I may disappear, know that I will always know what goes in your lives... Its my nature...or rather my act-like-a-spy attitude...but point is im always there...Helping in any way I can.
I may disappear for some time....but dont feel betrayed or lost or hurt...You gained while I was there...You've not lost anything with me gone for now...You would never lose anything...
Though some people drive me nuts...Safe to say I do the same too...But to those who know me, like Naathan...and those who try to know me, like Suadz....You know what I'm about...
I will be back guys...Its just a matter of when...
Til then...keep a weather eye on the horizon...
I want to apologize to my close ones for hurting you in the past many weeks. Quite a bit of people are confused and hurt by my actions...
Haix...
Sorry guys...Didn't mean to hurt anyone...
I know I've been isolating myself from my friends... I have no solid reason why...But it can be several..
One...Walking in shades of grey is not easy...Anyone knows that.
AND everyone knows that amongst everyone, I'm the one who walks the most in the shades... Cant help it...It's my kai poh nature... But doing this for quite some time is very tiring...And I just needed to stop for a while. . .
And the reason I was hanging out with them and not you. . .I can't explain. But you know me...I never have a reason for anything I do...But just know that I have never meant any harm to anyone...I'll always be there if you need anything...or anyone...
Though I may disappear, know that I will always know what goes in your lives... Its my nature...or rather my act-like-a-spy attitude...but point is im always there...Helping in any way I can.
I may disappear for some time....but dont feel betrayed or lost or hurt...You gained while I was there...You've not lost anything with me gone for now...You would never lose anything...
Though some people drive me nuts...Safe to say I do the same too...But to those who know me, like Naathan...and those who try to know me, like Suadz....You know what I'm about...
I will be back guys...Its just a matter of when...
Til then...keep a weather eye on the horizon...
4/06/2009
I'm made of Ice...But I miss the Warmth...
Haiz.
Its the start of the week. And it already seems like its going downhill.
Its been a crazy few months for me...The musical and everything. Didn't have much time for myself...
I had time for other people. Time for Suadz...Isabelle...Anaz...Everyone else...
But never myself.
And I think I never made time for myself on purpose. So that I will keep moving...So I wont keep thinking.
Some people will agree with the contents of the post to come...Some will not. Those who agree are those who experienced it...or those who have seen it happen.
Haix...
Love.
One of the biggest life-changers of all.
When you think you've found your significant other. When you think you've found someone who you can talk to...who you can share your life with...Someone who can share their life with you..
Thats the best feeling of all..
I had it...
It was so beautiful...It was great...
But its gone...Taking my life with it.
Haiz...Even if I smile on the outside...even if I laugh and joke and whatever...
Nothing will ever change the fact that I will always remain ice cold on the inside...Not even the hottest fires can melt my heart. Odd that I was talking to Nicole and Anaz about this just a few days ago. I sometimes wonder if i talk about all these to help me break the ice...or to help reinforce it.
Haix...Ill jus get to the problem...
I just got a message from Nithya's sister...She says Nithya's been very upset that I've been moving away from her and stuff...That she's been crying and being all emo...
That single message can undo everything I've done up to this point...That can bring down this bastion of ice I've built in my heart...
I cant say I miss her...I cant say I dont miss her...I cant say anything cos I dont feel it...Not feel anything for anyone anymore.
If I come up to you and ask you if everything is ok blah blah...its cos I'm supposed to...Its the right thing to do...I dont even know if im concerned.
Like I said...Its hard to understand what Im saying... But being me can kill you cos u jus feel not human at all.
Haix...
Emo again. Jus when I promised myself that life will be good. . .
I wont hide this fact...
I have been looking for love again...
Looking for a girl wo i can share things with
Someone who I can love...hug
But I wont let myself cos I dont want to use any girl as a fallback girl. For that im satisfied with myself. I didnt do what most guys would do...go around, play, have fun, drink, sex etc...
And I did this by myself...Even with all the shit going on around me...I did this by myself...
But at what cost?
My humanity?
Is it worth giving up being a person to be someone with a plastic face? Someone who puts on a mask that cant come off...
People who read this will tell me...take off that mask...Be yourself...
Darlings... I murdered myself
Murdered the night I got a call from her... I still remember where I was... Outside Yishun Library with my friend Rama...
I've been lying dead ever since...Dancing did not revive me...Rapping did not revive me...Acting and whatever I did in the musical did not revive me...
It may seem like i was living myelf to the fullest by dancing, acting etc...
But I wasn't...I was trying to shock myself back to reality...
Didn't work... Never did... Now I surround myself with people who may know me to be funny and great and sensitive and etc...But I'm not letting myself get close to them...
And that hurts like a bitch... But I dont seem to care
My future girlfriend is going to be someone who can save me from myself...
That statement alone tells me that the chances of me finding love again are zero...
But whatever...I'll walk the frozen wastelands of my heart, while my body walks under the bleating sun...
Maybe someday Ill lie in the arms of one who can warm both...
Till then...I'll survive...
Its the start of the week. And it already seems like its going downhill.
Its been a crazy few months for me...The musical and everything. Didn't have much time for myself...
I had time for other people. Time for Suadz...Isabelle...Anaz...Everyone else...
But never myself.
And I think I never made time for myself on purpose. So that I will keep moving...So I wont keep thinking.
Some people will agree with the contents of the post to come...Some will not. Those who agree are those who experienced it...or those who have seen it happen.
Haix...
Love.
One of the biggest life-changers of all.
When you think you've found your significant other. When you think you've found someone who you can talk to...who you can share your life with...Someone who can share their life with you..
Thats the best feeling of all..
I had it...
It was so beautiful...It was great...
But its gone...Taking my life with it.
Haiz...Even if I smile on the outside...even if I laugh and joke and whatever...
Nothing will ever change the fact that I will always remain ice cold on the inside...Not even the hottest fires can melt my heart. Odd that I was talking to Nicole and Anaz about this just a few days ago. I sometimes wonder if i talk about all these to help me break the ice...or to help reinforce it.
Haix...Ill jus get to the problem...
I just got a message from Nithya's sister...She says Nithya's been very upset that I've been moving away from her and stuff...That she's been crying and being all emo...
That single message can undo everything I've done up to this point...That can bring down this bastion of ice I've built in my heart...
I cant say I miss her...I cant say I dont miss her...I cant say anything cos I dont feel it...Not feel anything for anyone anymore.
If I come up to you and ask you if everything is ok blah blah...its cos I'm supposed to...Its the right thing to do...I dont even know if im concerned.
Like I said...Its hard to understand what Im saying... But being me can kill you cos u jus feel not human at all.
Haix...
Emo again. Jus when I promised myself that life will be good. . .
I wont hide this fact...
I have been looking for love again...
Looking for a girl wo i can share things with
Someone who I can love...hug
But I wont let myself cos I dont want to use any girl as a fallback girl. For that im satisfied with myself. I didnt do what most guys would do...go around, play, have fun, drink, sex etc...
And I did this by myself...Even with all the shit going on around me...I did this by myself...
But at what cost?
My humanity?
Is it worth giving up being a person to be someone with a plastic face? Someone who puts on a mask that cant come off...
People who read this will tell me...take off that mask...Be yourself...
Darlings... I murdered myself
Murdered the night I got a call from her... I still remember where I was... Outside Yishun Library with my friend Rama...
I've been lying dead ever since...Dancing did not revive me...Rapping did not revive me...Acting and whatever I did in the musical did not revive me...
It may seem like i was living myelf to the fullest by dancing, acting etc...
But I wasn't...I was trying to shock myself back to reality...
Didn't work... Never did... Now I surround myself with people who may know me to be funny and great and sensitive and etc...But I'm not letting myself get close to them...
And that hurts like a bitch... But I dont seem to care
My future girlfriend is going to be someone who can save me from myself...
That statement alone tells me that the chances of me finding love again are zero...
But whatever...I'll walk the frozen wastelands of my heart, while my body walks under the bleating sun...
Maybe someday Ill lie in the arms of one who can warm both...
Till then...I'll survive...
4/05/2009
The Hotel Costa Sands
Haha! Your probably listening to Hotel California while reading this post. If not....switch off whatever music I'm playing and find Hotel California and play it.
HAHA! Came back from chalet. Loved every moment of it.
The arcading with Nicole and Anaz...The crazy travelling from Vivo to beach Station at Sentosa with Nicole Anaz Andrew Daniel Lex Colin Nicholas...Crazy ass shit!
Coming into the chalet just as the birthday cake is being cut for thr sisters! SCreaming and Yowling like crazy animals! Taking mad pictures after that!
Going off to play beach nightime volleyball with ALOT of people! Too many to name! But it was sweet. The later diving into the pool to cool off! That was sweet! Then heading to Beach Station to send Andrew farty, Suadz, Han Zhi, Nicole Cheung, Kim off! Sad they cant stay! Haix. The later lepak around coffee bean and talk cock stories with Daniel Betts Andrew(WOng) ANaz and Nicole.
Then move back to chalet and conqueres a room where we made daniel put up an impromptu show for us! WooHOO! Love that Dan! Then later left the Chalet with Dan and Lex to walk around.
Walked to Underwater world where Lex chased a Peacock from UNderwater world, to fort siloso, to jazz by the sea and then end up on the beach itself! zzz
Later go back to chalet, dive in to pool til like 10, wash up, and left sentosa. Went to see movie woth Anaz, Daniel, Nicole and Andrew at PS! 12 rounds....boring shit!
Then came home where i won $4 in gambling with my family...sweet! HAHA!!!
Haix! Very tire and sleepy! Talk some other time!
HAHA! Came back from chalet. Loved every moment of it.
The arcading with Nicole and Anaz...The crazy travelling from Vivo to beach Station at Sentosa with Nicole Anaz Andrew Daniel Lex Colin Nicholas...Crazy ass shit!
Coming into the chalet just as the birthday cake is being cut for thr sisters! SCreaming and Yowling like crazy animals! Taking mad pictures after that!
Going off to play beach nightime volleyball with ALOT of people! Too many to name! But it was sweet. The later diving into the pool to cool off! That was sweet! Then heading to Beach Station to send Andrew farty, Suadz, Han Zhi, Nicole Cheung, Kim off! Sad they cant stay! Haix. The later lepak around coffee bean and talk cock stories with Daniel Betts Andrew(WOng) ANaz and Nicole.
Then move back to chalet and conqueres a room where we made daniel put up an impromptu show for us! WooHOO! Love that Dan! Then later left the Chalet with Dan and Lex to walk around.
Walked to Underwater world where Lex chased a Peacock from UNderwater world, to fort siloso, to jazz by the sea and then end up on the beach itself! zzz
Later go back to chalet, dive in to pool til like 10, wash up, and left sentosa. Went to see movie woth Anaz, Daniel, Nicole and Andrew at PS! 12 rounds....boring shit!
Then came home where i won $4 in gambling with my family...sweet! HAHA!!!
Haix! Very tire and sleepy! Talk some other time!
4/02/2009
Back to Normal...But normal does not exist in my wrold...
Woo! Life's getting back to normal...
Or what can be considered normal by 'normal' people. Haha
Getting over Cinderella Withdrawal symptoms. The cast and Crew have been keeping contact quite well over Facebook which is good.
Not to mention I've been seeing most of them this past one week...HAHA!
Yes I know! Can't exactly forget them.
But just cause musical's over doesn't mean life goes back to being boring...OH NO! Quite the opposite
Got ALOT ALOT of stuff lined up before school starts, and some that will keep going on even after school ends.
Let m list them down for ya'll... Some I cant say cause its a surprise:
Chalet
Got Cinderella Chalet this Saturday (Tomorrow) But Dad is not so willing ot let me go...he is 3000 km away and he is still controlling what I do here...Haiz...Well...parents will always be parents. But the Chalet's gonna be fun!
Gonna just chill wiht the peeps over 24 hours...Sun, Sand, Sea, Volleyball, Parkour, Moonlit Campfires...You know the deal. A well deserved retreat for me...A long ten month period of hard work and this is the payoff. Not exactly the best payoff since i think we deserve more...but what the heck...Lets just enjoy.
Got plans for this chalet. Waterbomb fights...Volleyball under the stars...God knows. We haver the whole night and the whole of Sentosa to destroy..HAHA
AFT Awards
Got the AFT awards coming around. Next weekend. Got some things to do for it. A tribute video for the people of Cinderella. Looking forward to sorting throught the vids and seeing what our peeps have been up to i the Musical...LOL.
Gonna make an emotional vid if i can with humor poured in..HAHA..
R2
Got R2 coming up. Helping out the guys with it. HAHA! Gotta ALOT of editing to do on our scripts...i assure you.
DJSS
Helping out with the SS peeps too. Looking forward to that ALOT. We're gonna have a hell lot of fun on that. HAHA! Can be assured of that too..
Next musical
Gonna hang around arteen furteens....see what else we can do. I think we're gonna take a break form large scale productions for now. Don't thin anyone has the enrgy to do it for another few months. But I'm geared for another project. HAHA! Bring it on guys!
SDZ
Havent gone for SDZ practice in over 5 months. Don't know if I'm still in or what.LOL! But I want to go back. Gotta learn dance for Le` Spadille. We're gonna make it happen! i Assure you!
Le` Spadille
A life long dream coming true... We're gonna make Le Spadilles work. Haha! This is gonna be fun. Got the guys in.. Now we gotta start! WooHoo!
School
Last but not least...School!
My finl year! Gonna make it big this year. Have to...im too fun to be suppressed. Last 2 years were ok...But I want to go all out this year.
Gotta buck on my studies. I mean seriously BUCK UP! 2.6 gpa is soooo not cool bro. HAHA! Make new friends...rekindle old friendships. haha! This years gonna be different... I Assure you!
I've found the change I've been looking for my whole life.
Cinderella was it...This musical has taught me so much.. Gave me so much...
Haha! Emoing again. Gotta change this blog's layout...put in a new song.
A whole new me needs a whole new Look!
Til the next time...Ciaozz...
Or what can be considered normal by 'normal' people. Haha
Getting over Cinderella Withdrawal symptoms. The cast and Crew have been keeping contact quite well over Facebook which is good.
Not to mention I've been seeing most of them this past one week...HAHA!
Yes I know! Can't exactly forget them.
But just cause musical's over doesn't mean life goes back to being boring...OH NO! Quite the opposite
Got ALOT ALOT of stuff lined up before school starts, and some that will keep going on even after school ends.
Let m list them down for ya'll... Some I cant say cause its a surprise:
Chalet
Got Cinderella Chalet this Saturday (Tomorrow) But Dad is not so willing ot let me go...he is 3000 km away and he is still controlling what I do here...Haiz...Well...parents will always be parents. But the Chalet's gonna be fun!
Gonna just chill wiht the peeps over 24 hours...Sun, Sand, Sea, Volleyball, Parkour, Moonlit Campfires...You know the deal. A well deserved retreat for me...A long ten month period of hard work and this is the payoff. Not exactly the best payoff since i think we deserve more...but what the heck...Lets just enjoy.
Got plans for this chalet. Waterbomb fights...Volleyball under the stars...God knows. We haver the whole night and the whole of Sentosa to destroy..HAHA
AFT Awards
Got the AFT awards coming around. Next weekend. Got some things to do for it. A tribute video for the people of Cinderella. Looking forward to sorting throught the vids and seeing what our peeps have been up to i the Musical...LOL.
Gonna make an emotional vid if i can with humor poured in..HAHA..
R2
Got R2 coming up. Helping out the guys with it. HAHA! Gotta ALOT of editing to do on our scripts...i assure you.
DJSS
Helping out with the SS peeps too. Looking forward to that ALOT. We're gonna have a hell lot of fun on that. HAHA! Can be assured of that too..
Next musical
Gonna hang around arteen furteens....see what else we can do. I think we're gonna take a break form large scale productions for now. Don't thin anyone has the enrgy to do it for another few months. But I'm geared for another project. HAHA! Bring it on guys!
SDZ
Havent gone for SDZ practice in over 5 months. Don't know if I'm still in or what.LOL! But I want to go back. Gotta learn dance for Le` Spadille. We're gonna make it happen! i Assure you!
Le` Spadille
A life long dream coming true... We're gonna make Le Spadilles work. Haha! This is gonna be fun. Got the guys in.. Now we gotta start! WooHoo!
School
Last but not least...School!
My finl year! Gonna make it big this year. Have to...im too fun to be suppressed. Last 2 years were ok...But I want to go all out this year.
Gotta buck on my studies. I mean seriously BUCK UP! 2.6 gpa is soooo not cool bro. HAHA! Make new friends...rekindle old friendships. haha! This years gonna be different... I Assure you!
I've found the change I've been looking for my whole life.
Cinderella was it...This musical has taught me so much.. Gave me so much...
Haha! Emoing again. Gotta change this blog's layout...put in a new song.
A whole new me needs a whole new Look!
Til the next time...Ciaozz...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)