Its been so long since I blogged. Like really blogged about how I felt and everything.
So now im in the mood to really rant and I have to do it now even though I'm tired. If I don't the words will lost forever never to be found again inside this whirlwind I call me, myself and I.
And I am utterly DISGUSTED with me myself and I.
Like SO angry to the point that I am disgusted. Like If i was my friend, I would never talk to this person again. Sucks to be stuck in the skin of something you loathe to the core.
Haix. Its been one long tiring week for me. Never really had a moment to rest. Everything was work from the start. And that prevented me from enjoying myself. Filming and stuff...Grrr...
Dont get me wrong. I love to have fun. But this past 2 weeks of my holidays has been completely burnt out because of stuff. So never really had a moment to relax. That starts the chain effect.
When I can't relax or I'm over stressed, I start taking it out on people. When I really take it out on person who doesnt deserve it, it just adds to my anger.
Why get angry at him/her?
Hate myself more. Continues the chain...
Add to that the fact that I'm behind work now...as always. But I don't understand why I cant get up and do the work that I need to. Where did the drive go? Where did my passion go?
Where did I go?
Grrrr...! Angry again. Like really. I'm not feeling useless. I know I'm capable...MORE than capable...But the fact that I cant get up and do the work and get the results I want is REALLY annoying the hell out of me.
I hate it.
Today's movie marathon is when I nearly lost it. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I just zoned out, spaced out etc. I was so close to bursting and I knew I had to get out of there or else the shit's gonna hit the fan.
So I took off. Full speed around some HDB estate in Sembawang. Did good time too. Felt good to have wind rush into your face...but....
Didnt help in any way.
So I tried to include myself in conversations and try to make people laugh. Succeeded... for a while. In the end just sat down and stared at Optimus Prime transforming and kicking ass, not cheering, coming up with psuedo laughters and all.
Haix.
Question is, how long is it going to take me to get out of this slump?
Time is my God, and with him comes my answer...but even time is not on my side now...
