If you a car person, like me, you would know what the redline means.
It is the zone on a car's tachometer that tells you that the car is maxing out its power, its RPM. It is the zone at which the engine makes sounds that sound sweet to the ears of many. It is the zone at which daredevils slide their cars sideways, throwing up smoke and sounds of squealing tires.
It is also the zone that screams at you to shift UP...
What is the point of all that wonderful information?
Well...it seems that I may be reaching MY redline very soon. And I have to switch UP...
The problem?
I may not be able to...
Once again, I am limited in all that I do by simple mundane things that people my age may deem insignificant (as my friends have all done...)
The problem is simple...my family.
Yes, family. Now before you jump ahead to conclusions and start thinking that I must be one of those who hates his family, let me explain myself.
I am a 19 year old guy...note the word GUY, who happens to have a curfew that even secondary school kids may laugh at. I have to have a good reason for going out on weekends, and even then, I'm scowled at by my family when I leave the house. I am told to just focus on studying even though I know that I am growing at a rate so fast, that I outlearn my course modules. I am taught things I already know and my thirst for knowledge and more experience is insatiable.
But because of a little thing called conscience and guilt and responsibility, I am limited. Now, you can say that I do have responsibilities to take care of...which I have already attended to. I gave up going for my school's welcome back party at Zouk all because my little bro had exams and I wanted to make sure he was studying at home. I have project meetings to attend to at night, from which I leave early from or not go at all because I have to be back home cause my aunt feels that I spend too much time outside.
I am ripped away from my friends when having a great time out, just because I have to be back home before my curfew.
All in all, my family believes that keeping me at home and asking me to study is the best thing for me, when it is blatantly obvious that I am grown up and need my freedom now more than ever.
2 years ago, I was ranting about 'No freedom' etc, but looking back ,I guess freedom then wasn't that important as I had made it out to be. I needed some slack on the lease, true, but it wasn't that big a deal.
But now...
I have plans; I have a career path shaping itself out in front me. I know where I am going. I am hungry for success and failure. I am hungry for chances to prove myslef, which, given my short leash, I have been able to do. My close friends know my potential. Outsiders my potential.
But they have the freedom and trust of their family members. I don't. It is easy for you now to claim that I have to first gain trust.
Let me paint you a scenario. You have a dog.
A Rottweiler.
And you cage him up for weeks on end. But you feed him etc. BUT, you dont let him out.
One fine sunny day you take him out of the cage for a walk.
Now...what do you think is going to happen?
Is the dog going to keep quiet and walk slowly with you?
Or is he going to run like a demon let loose, going everywhere he can, exploring, digging, barking and biting?
No. 2 is the answer. He runs, as fast as he can. And as the owner, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? HOLD HIM! Keep him on the leash.
So there you are, being dragged by a hungry dog that is craving for freedom. You get sickened and throw him back in the cage and call him a bad dog. You decide to keep him there as you deem him to be uncontrollable. But whose fault is it?
The dog's?
It's yours.
My family is the owner...I am the dog.
Now...
IF you let him loose for a while, he'll run etc. But he'll eventually come to you cause he learns that he has to. No matter where he goes, he will learn to come back. If he's hungry, he'll come back knowing there is a dish of hot food waiting for him. If he needs water, there is a dish of cool spring water at home.
If he needs love, there is a hand waiting to pet him.
You see the light now?
Sometimes if you want something to stay, you have to let it go. Same thing with love. Same thing with teens.
Same things with me.
Trust me. Trust that I will do the right thing. If I do the wrong thing, trust that I will own up to it and learn from it.
I trust myself to do these things. I know where I am going. I know what I want...no...what I NEED.
The leash around my neck is getting too old. Take it off... let me run.
In about a week, I am going to go into a slump. I am going to become angry and depressed. I am going to vent and hate, curse and swear. If you call me, I may take out anger on you. I may start pushing my curfew time and scolding my family. I may get scolded which makes things worse. I forsee all these...
In this next one week...
....I am about to hit my redline...
...And I wont be able to shift up...
-Yoji-
