It's not easy being a member of a species that decides its life based on emotions... Especially when your angsty like me. I'm not someone who gets angry easily. I try to keep my cool, but there are times when I lose it completely. Some of my friends have seen glimpses of those times. On the train back from MJ Tribute dance, the MJ dance at the wedding etc. I never blew up in front of any of my friends, well at least not all.
There was still the time I started screaming on the bus at Nithya. Why? I was jealous that she liked Anaz. Was it a rational decision? Screaming "Fuck you lah Chee Bai Tiu Lei Lo Mo" on a bus full of school children is never rational...
Was it logical?
If you take into consideration the nature of our species... Yes it was logical. Why wouldn't I be angry? And Jealous? I didn't have the right to, but thats the thing. If people keep saying, 'You dont have the rights to -blah blah-', then where do I show my emotions? Lock them up?
Is there a way for me to obtain this right? The right to shout at someone. The right to feel jealous... Screw it man, I'm going to start a comapny that hands out this rights to people who give justifiable reasons... It would be fun, but at the same time, it will give people a chance to reveal their problems.
I know people have told you that what you did was wrong Suadz. People are asking you why did you blog that way about Parmes. Some even ask you what rights do you have to do that... Can you help me ask them what rights do they have to advice or scold you about what you say on your own blog? No one has the rights to say anything about what you said...
But then again, when a man kills his wife for cheating on him, is it a display of his anger? Yes. He was angry and felt betrayed and he took it out on his wife. But does his emotions give him the rights to kill her? No.
Was it wrong? Who knows... We live in a lawful society where the laws are written by Man..Who knows what is the universal meaning of right and wrong... We are just living by Man's standard of right and wrong.
But what you did was an expression of how you felt at that time. I wont deny it... It feels good to just bitch and rant about someone.
We've been doing it for the past 3 weeks about our own friends. Why? Cos we were angry and it felt good and right to do it. They talked about us too. They felt betrayed and insulted, so that gave them the 'right' to talk about us.
But amongst all that dislike and bitching, we forgot the one most important thing... That we are human... Everyone is flawed. Why must I hate on someone for a minute flaw when they have done so much for me. I felt this when I bought a bottle of Heineken and sat down with a friend to drink at Broadway. Before we started, I was like "I'm sitting down and drinking beer with someone I've been bitching about for 2 weeks or so."...
By the end, I was like, "Why was I bitching about someone whom I know cared for me, and still does. Who has done so much, who has helped so much. Who respects me, and knows the feeling was mutual. Whom I treasure as a clsoe friends, a teammate, a part of a family..."
I felt stupid and duped by my own feelings. I felt I had potentially ruined my relationship with many people. But I realised something else later on when I sat down and drank with other friends...
Sometimes its easy to forget we are beings of emotions... We have feelings. We get angry and tend to pick our flaws or make up flaws and bitch about one another. We give in to anger and hate and let our emotions deicide the course of our life.
As for my friends, I think you know who you guys are. I went through a rough patch. I took out my anger on you guys, even though I believed it would never happen again. I wont give excuses. I will apologize, but I expect no forgiveness. Its easy to say sorry... Its harder to repair the damage you caused...
I gave in to my anger. Was it right? No. Was it wrong? No. But i think I speak for those who hated with me and against me when I say this.
Its easy to, "Why'd you do it?"
Its harder to follow that advice...
Somethings are truly easier said than done...
